by Darryll B. Carter
Cover Art by
Darryll B. Carter
ONI logo by
Darryll B. Carter
ONI created by
Darryll B. Carter
This series of panels should be from a side scroll view. Show a night view of a city reminiscent of Las Vegas crossed with Coruscant through the windows of a skyscraper office. These are floor to ceiling windows. Just focus on the window, don’t bother to show any of the office.
Same view. A female scientist, Kate, struggles into panel from the right. Kate looks just like Karen, they’re twins; except Kate is a redhead and wears glasses. She’s wearing her glasses, a white blood stained lab coat, a pink camisole with one strap broken and her black skirt is ripped on the side. She’s holding her arm as if it is wounded. She’s dragging that arm against the window leaving a blood smear trail.
Same view. Kate should now be on her way off panel (left). Kate’s blood smear begins to pull in the opposite direction to the center of the window. Think of water being pulled by a vacuum. In the upper right corner; have a menacing hellhound type creature stalking into the panel, walking on the window.
Same view. Kate is out of panel. The window crawling hellhound is well on his way off panel following Kate. He’s now joined by a swarm of hell hounds running on the ground after Kate. The blood travelling toward the center of the window is on its way to forming a menacing pair of eyes and a maniacal grin.
The hell hounds are out of panel. The window darkens and the set of red eyes are formed.
Full black panel with only the blood assembled maniacal face.
Camera should be on a slant. Kate enters a dark room. The only thing that should be seen is the light from the hallway, as she shuts the door and the shine of her glasses.
Close shot of her hand locking the knob.
Another close shot of her hands locking the top bolt on the door.
She pushes a nearby couch in front of the door.
Kate begins to pull out a chair in front of a computer. The light from the computer is shining on her. It is the only light source in the room. There is another set of windows behind the desk chair.
Kate- I hope you get this Karen…
Kate is sitting at the computer typing with a focused look on her face. Behind her, on the windows, the hellhounds begin to converge on her.
Kate- You may be our last hope.
Straight shot from the shoulder up of Karen. She’s a brunette short hair, petite. She looks a lot like Jenny Lorenzo. She’s wearing a black hat that says Space Bean Coffee and a green apron. She looks very agitated.
Karen Caption- Are you #*#$%#*% serious?
Karen- Are you #*#$&%@ serious?
Side shot. Karen is actually behind the counter facing a guy in a hoodie, James, who has his arms around a very attractive woman, Cosmo. Karen is slamming her hand down on the counter with a coffee in the other hand. People around the three are shocked by the force of the slam. Karen is causing a scene. James, is a text book definition of what a nerd looks like. He is somewhere between George McFly, pre Marty’s trip to 1955 and Dexter, the alter ego of Freakazoid. This girl is a textbook blonde cheerleader and she’s about a foot taller than James. He’s short.
Karen- You’re leaving me for Cosmobitch?
Karen- Shut the #*#$ up.
Karen Cap- She says one more thing and this coffee’s in her face.
Karen- Are you #*#$&%@ serious?
James- Karen, things just weren’t working out. And Cosmo is… well, better.
Karen is facepalming and shaking her head. James grins in creepy manner while Cosmo is checking out the menu above and behind Karen’s head. Like in any fast food place.
James- Cosmo is open to having an open relationship. If you wanted to join us…
Cosmo- Can I have a Tripple Mocha Latè?
Karen Cap- That’s it.
` Panel Four
This moment should look fairly epic. Karen is pissed and she’s pulling her hand back to toss this hot cup of coffee at James and Cosmo. This shot is heavy on anticipation.
Karen- Here’s your @#@&$!% latè!
Headshot of Karen sitting in the office getting berated by her boss who is off panel in the foreground. She is struggling to keep a straight face; anger is battling her composure.
Karen Cap- That was a horrible idea in hindsight.
Boss- You’re fired! What the hell possessed you to throw a scalding hot coffee in a customer’s face!? If they press charges we won’t be held accountable. Get out of here!
Karen Cap- How the hell am I gonna pay the rent now?
Karen storms out the coffee shop front door throwing her hat on the ground. She’s wearing an open leather jacket over her clothes now with a yellow motorcycle helmet in her hand. The area outside is visually a typical New York City scene; traffic is going by, tall buildings and skyscrapers in the distance.
Karen- Coffee tastes like dog shit anyway!
Karen Cap- That’s right Karen. Vent.
She hops on her yellow vespa and puts on her helmet and goggles.
Karen Cap- Let it all out. Woosah.
Side scroll view as she floors it down the city street on her vespa. She passes a parked cop car. One of the police officers spits out his coffee.
Karen Cap- Feel the speed releasing your stress. Woosah.
Same view, different scenery to show the progression. She’s pulled over and the cops are writing her a ticket.
Karen Cap- This day is such bullshit…
She pulls up outside her apartment on her vespa. It is night now. Her apartment looks like a New York Brownstone. On the door to her apartment there is a pink eviction notice.
Karen Cap- Finally home.
She takes off her helmet and holds it in her hands as she looks to the side at her apartment door. She’s calmer now. Her face has regained its composure.
Karen Cap- We just go inside kick back. Farm some gold. Farm till our eyes bleed. Cause selling gold is going to be my only income for awhile…
Her face freaks the out. Like “WTF?” Her eyes widen in shock and her mouth is agape.
Karen Cap- What the @#$# is that???
This is a tight shot of just the pink eviction notice taped to the door. Show the address numbers; 669, but have the nine swing down hanging by its tail upside down so it reads, 666.
Karen- Eviction notice? What the #@#@ man…
She loses it again, overcome with anger and crushes the notice in her hand.
Karen- That little shit didn’t pay his half of the rent before he peaced out?!?
Karen Cap- All will be well Karen. Just get inside.
She makes her way inside the apartment to a foyer. She ascends the stair case and opens another door.
Karen Cap- Just leave reality, all this bad mojo and all the-
Karen Cap- behind.
She opens the front door and turns on the lights to see a very bare living room. The only thing left is a floor lamp in the corner, some bras on the floor and a desk with her desktop pc on it. Her eyes narrow but she keeps a straight face.
Karen- There is nothing left that can surprise me today.
She sits her helmet down on her desk on top of a past due electric bill and pulls out a chair to sit down. The focus of this panel should be on the electric bill. It should be a close shot that only really needs to include her hand putting down the helmet and the other pulling out the chair.
Karen- Least he had the decency to leave my tower alone.
These are small panels. Her hand pushing the power button to the desktop.
Her hand pushing the power button to the desktop.
She jams her finger into the power button with considerable force.
Karen- What the #@%$?!
She turns the desktop around to find the power supply unit is missing.
Karen- That SOB took my PSU?
She takes the cover off to find her entire desktop has been gutted.
Karen- He took everything!?!?!?
The desktop tower is flying through the window. Should be a beautiful scene of destruction shattered glass from the window should still be in panel falling.
She’s standing with her body still in the position from the throw in the center of the living room floor. She angry and breathing hard as if physically venting her outrage.
Karen Cap- Okay, in hindsight- that wasn’t really the best idea.
Panel is totally black.
This panel is still mostly black. Light from her cell phone starts glowing in her pocket. It adds a little light around her leg revealing some details but very little.
Karen- This better be Morpheus with that red pill.
She’s holding the phone in her hand. Phone should show the following messages (top to bottom); KNovak@odatron.net -Subject: no subject, ECECO Energy- Subject: Your Bill is Past Due, Premier Reality MMORPG- Subject: Cosmochick69 Wants to Be Your Friend. The panel should focus on the phone.
Karen Cap- Kate?
Karen throws a few things in a duffle bag, clothes and toiletries, using the flashlight app on her phone to see. The app light is a substantial lightsource.
Email Cap- Karen it’s me, Kate. I know we haven’t spoken in a long time. Since I left.
Karen grabs some game cases, a Dreamcast looking console with controllers, and a Pandora Construct book and puts it in a book bag.
Email Cap- And I’m sorry about that. But I really need your help and you’re the only one who can help me.
It’s the dead of night now. Karen is sitting on her parked Vespa with the back loaded up with her bags. She puts on her helmet and goggles. In the distance behind her there is a black four door sedan with black tinted windows.
Karen- Kate, what the hell have you gotten into?
Karen pulls off and the black sedan follows her. The emphasis in this panel should be on the sedan, a subtle emphasis.
Email Cap- It’s not safe to give the specifics through this email.
Karen rolls into the Lincoln Tunnel, traffic is light. The tunnel is the star of this panel. It should be showcased along with the scenery.
Email Cap- Just come to my apartment in Solheim and I’ll explain everything.
Karen Cap- Solheim, the city of tomorrow. I’ve heard of it. Revolutionary city with revolutionary tech. Top notch nextgen shit. GPS says its 1 day and 13 hours.
Same view as previous panel only with the black sedan entering the tunnel behind Karen.
Email Cap- Please Karen. You’re my only hope.
Karen Cap- The Star Wars esque closing is what really got me out the door.
Full Page Panel- Karen arrives outside the city limits and gazes upon Solheim. It’s daytime. The city skyline is clear and it’s massive. Solheim looks like a sci fi city, a cross between Coruscant and the New York from the Fifth Element during the day. (It looks like Coruscant and Vegas at night.) The city itself is inside a massive outer wall just like the city of Troy.
Setting Cap- Solheim, Utah- 2 days and 12hrs later…
Karen Cap- Solheim, Utah. Sparkling city amidst the sand, plains and Mormons.
Karen- Holy shit. Okay… I’m impressed.
Karen drives through town admiring the high level tech. Show her watching a holo-message between a woman and her boss in the park. The woman has like a holo-screen tablet. The vehicles on the street are more futuristic too.
Karen leans back to continue catching a glimpse of the holo-conversation, amazed and mouth agape.
Karen- They’ve got holoterminals???
Karen and her vespa pull up onto the sidewalk in front of a building that looks like it was plucked straight off of a motherboard.
Karen- This looks like the place.
Her helmet is resting in her hands, goggles still on, as she stares up at the new age building.
Karen- This thing has more in common with the chipset on an MBoard than a building. Must take mad gold to live here.
The view of this panel should be an angle from above. Karen steps off an elevator on the 14th floor. Her goggles are still on her face. As she steps off she turns to look down the hall. Behind her is a large window. The angle should allow a view of her vespa parked out front and the black sedan pulling up behind it (the vespa).
Karen knocks on door 1417. There is a lever mechanism that you find in most hotels, but no key hole. There is a fingerprint scanner.
Karen- 1417. This is it.
Zoom in on the fingerprint scanner pad. It has a red light glowing on it.
Karen-No answer. Hmmm. I wonder.
Same panel as previous shot with Karen pressing her thumb on the scanner. The light on the scanner is now green.
SFX- Deet Deet
Karen steps into an apartment completely devoid of personality. The walls are white; there is no couch, no furniture, just a huge wooden sword, a desk and a laptop on it that’s plugged into the wall.
Automated Voice- Welcome Home Karen.
Karen- Geez, Kate. Looks a lot like my spot did.
Karen reaches for the large wooden sword mounted on the wall. She has a grin on her face. She’s surprised and happy.
Karen- I can’t believe she still has this…
This panel is identical to the previous, except Karen has a subtle surprised look on her face; her reaction to the sudden arrival of the men that have been tailing her.
MIB1- Don’t move.
Karen Cap- Oh, @#$@.
Two men in black suits and shades, think agents from the Matrix or the MIB, stand in the doorway. One has a silenced gun pointed at her the other is putting on a pair of disposable gloves. The guy with the gun has a grin on his face, holding his chin up.
MIB1- Option One: Cooperate and this’ll go smoothly. Easy.
MIB2 (with the gun)- Option Two: You don’t want Option Two.
MIB1- Where’s the DG-IX?
Karen Cap- What did you get me into Kate?
Karen has her hands in the air, she’s distressed. The MIB with the gun steps forward with his gun extended. He’s irritated.
Karen- I… I don’t know what that is.
MIB2- Bullshit. You drove 2,000 miles to get here without a moment’s notice! You know what we want!
MIB1- Don’t play coy with us Ms. Novak. My partner can be very trigger happy. Now tell us where your sister hid the DG-IX!
Zoom shot of Karen’s face, primarily her eyes. Her eyes are looking off to where the wooden sword rests on the wall.
Karen Cap- They’re not gonna let me walk out of here. Even If I could give them what they wanted.
Karen Cap- What if they’ve done something with Kate?!
Karen- I have to get out of here!
Karen snatches the wooden sword off of the wall and bashes the MIB with the gun in the head really hard. She puts her whole soul into it; you can see it in her face. He buckles from the force.
SFX- (sword impact) Crack!
She baseball slides pass the MIB still in the doorway, with the sword in hand. He reaches out to grab her as if she was still at full height.
MIB1- You won’t escape!
Karen- #$%# that!
Karen Cap- Mirror’s Edge FTW.
MIB with the gun is leaning out the doorway bearing his teeth and fires off two shots at the fleeing Karen down the hall. Emphasis more on the MIB.
MIB2- That bitch is dead!
SFX- (silenced gunshots)Ffft! Ffft!
This shot is from outside the window. Karen cuts the corner. One bullet goes whizzing through her hair. Both bullets go through the hallway window.
SFX- (bullets passing through glass) Pssh! Pssh!
MIB1 (without the gun) slams MIB2’s gun against the wall.
MIB1- No! We need her alive remember?! She can’t lead us to the DG if she’s dead!
Karen darts out of a hallway into another hallway at a cross road. She looks lost. There is an exit sign on the ceiling toward the bottom of the panel. She still has the sword.
Karen- Shit. I’m lost.
Same panel, but MIB1 emerges from a hallway at the top of the panel. Karen turns her head to see him.
MIB1- I’ve got ‘er. Northeast corridor.
Karen Cap- @#$#%!
Karen is running frantically down the hall with MIB1 chasing her. Their positions in the panel are; Karen, mid and MIB1 rear.
Same panel. They are closer to the foreground now. MIB1 is practically on top of Karen reaching out for her.
Same panel. Karen is in the immediate foreground getting tackled off panel by MIB2.
MIB2 and Karen crash through a hallway window. The wooden sword crashes on impact against the window frame. The DG flies out of the broken sword and through the window as well. The DG looks like a red and black video card.
Karen Cap- Oh, no…
Karen and MIB2 are in free fall; falling with shattered glass, his gun, the broken sword and the DG outside the apartment building. Both Karen and MIB2 are afraid and in shock. The DG is in the foreground at the bottom of the panel. It is activating, the fan is spinning within and it’s glowing a fierce red. Karen is seemingly grasping for it.
DG- Emergency Proximity Activation. Makai Change.
A red portal, a demon gate, opens from the DG and Karen is falls into it.
Page Sixteen and Seventeen
Henshin Sequence- Think Sailor Moon crossed with the Schumacher Batman Suit up, and Iron Man Suit up.
ONI’s gauntlets materialize over Karen’s hands.
DG Cap- 14%
ONI’s greaves materialize on to Karen’s legs.
The DG becomes ONI’s belt buckle and the belt materializes.
DG Cap- 42%
Karen is in free fall like a skydiver with her arms and legs spread out. Her body is naked, but glowing. Think back to Sailor Moon’s transformation sequence. The environment she’s falling through is a hellish mix of fire and blazing red energy.
ONI’s torso armor materializes on to Karen’s body.
DG Cap- 70%
ONI’s tail skirt materializes over Karen’s butt. Emphasis on the butt.
ONI’s helmet materializes over Karen’s face.
DG Cap- 98%
Full Page Panel
Karen crashes to the ground Iron Man style creating a small crater in the asphalt. MIB2 crashes into the roof of his black sedan.
DG- Transformation Complete.
Karen, now ONI, is excited and hops up with her arms outstretched examining her new form.
ONI- No $%#@ way!
Karen Cap- Nah uh!
ONI- I’m #$%#&*@ Iron Man!
Karen’s face inside the helmet examining her HUD. She’s smiling like a kid on Christmas.
DG Cap- Optimizing interface for new user.
DG Cap- Unable to connect to ONI Network.
DG Cap- Tasks. Primary Objective; Reboot ONI Network
DG Cap- You have new messages in your Inbox.
Karen- Whoa, Whoa wait a minute. First things first…
MIB1 is has his back turned to the window Karen and MIB2 crashed out of. He’s holding two fingers to his ear as if using a radio transmitting device.
MIB1- We have a new development.
Panel Two- Splash Panel
ONI leaps up into view of the window ready to pounce on MIB1. MIB1 turns around in panic, looking at ONI.
ONI- Payback’s a bitch!
To Be Continued Cap